Written November 11, 2015
What is an unresolved issue? “The word unresolved may describe an argument that has not been solved, a question that remains unanswered, or a decision that not been made. The word unresolved is used for a situation that lacks a resolution, or ending. It can also describe unaddressed emotions, such as anger or sadness,” according to Vocabulary. com.
Anyone at any time can be dealing with unresolved and repressed(kept in check, stifled, pent up, bottled up) feelings, thoughts and, especially, emotions. This is, in many cases, a problem that can destroy any kind of relationship whether it’s a romantic, family, or friendship .
Unresolved issues can turn into resentments very quickly and easily. A lot of times thoughts and feelings get stuffed down inside a person until something breaks and the volcano explodes spewing feelings and emotions all over the road.
I’m all to familiar with unresolved issues because that’s what I do. I stuff those thoughts, feelings, and particularly, emotions and then I explode. I look a lot like Regan from the Exorcist(a movie from decades ago portraying a fictional character who is possessed by the devil). The best known scene shows Reagan’s green faced head spinning around and spewing projectile vomit. Figuratively that’s me only I spew word vomit.
Why do people like me do this? My number one reason is that I hate conflict and confrontation. Other reasons include a fear of my feelings, what my mouth will say and even how I’d be judged when I express those feelings. The problem with this is that when all that junk gets suppressed the one who does the suppressing and stuffing is the one that suffers.
When thoughts, feelings and emotions, especially strong ones, are not expressed a resentment is born and then this grows like a cancer in the body. It starts by affecting the mind and the heart with thoughts like, “She should know this or that. He should be doing this or that. I shouldn’t have to say anything. Why should I be the one to say something?”
From there the issue starts to affect the body. It can be something as simple as an ongoing upset stomach or acne break out, to a decreased immunity to cold and flu bugs, and as complicated as heart attacks, strokes and even cancer. For me, especially when I hold on to and dwell on the issue, my migraines kick up, my stomach is upset, I don’t eat as much, I can’t sleep(well worse than normal) and I end up lashing out at other people that either say one word or look at me wrong.
Occasionally, one will turn to addiction to hide from or cover up these feelings and emotions, or to drown out the thoughts and voices of guilt, self doubt and self loathing. It can be any addiction besides drugs or alcohol. It can be shopping, gambling, sex, food, and sadly cutting oneself(More on this another day or the blog post coming up called “A Demon Named Addiction. That has a bit of insight into the disease of addiction).
A couple of ideas to work thru thoughts, feelings, and emotions involved with unresolved issues. First, learn to love yourself and how to create your own happiness. Also know that you are good enough for any person and that you don’t need to please anyone but yourself. Finally FEAR – False Evidence Appearing to be Real, F**k(or Forget) Everything And Run, or Face Everything And Run. Which will you choose to do today?