Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

Written March 5, 2014(edited 2017)

“Let go of the “shoulds” in Life….I “should” do this, you “should” do that, Life “should” be this way, Life “should” give me that. We can’t always know what we “should” do, and can we ever truly know what another “should” do….I have said it before, and I will say it again….don’t “should” all over yourself… :)”  ~ Doug

Something to ponder…

Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Something I’ve heard and said a lot in my years on this Earth. This makes me think of a couple different things. I first think of an excerpt from Ecclesiastes 3:1 “For Everything a Reason”. In the Native American culture, life and everything in it moves in circles. There’s a beginning, a middle, an end and a rebirth or beginning again. In that circle there is no room for the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s. In the circle we need to look toward the future, not in the past. In essence what we are doing when we think or say this is that we’re beating ourselves up over our past for something or someone that didn’t go or do what we expected. What we, especially myself, don’t want to do is accept what our Higher Power gives us when He gives it to us. Just like right now for my life.

Earlier today I was going thru some old pictures and other old trinkets. I was reminiscing about all the good, bad and ugly times that I had with each item I was going through. I remembered the joy, sadness, anger and traditions from what seems like a past life. I was also thinking I shoulda done this or I shoulda done that. But as I was going through and reminiscing over the old days and the old feelings I realized what I was doing. I was beating myself up for things that I didn’t do or things that I shoulda said or done. If only I had done things this way or said these things maybe I could be… what? Happier? Having a better life? I suddenly remembered what I’ve been taught about the Native American Circle. There’s a beginning, a middle, an end, and a rebirth to all things in life. I also remembered the excerpt from Ecclesiastes 3:1. Suddenly I wasn’t quite sad over time gone by.

I’ve also been desperately trying to get a job to bring in a little extra income and feel like a productive member of society and my home. I’ve been qualified for a couple of jobs but my health has been an issue. For the jobs that my health issues weren’t a problem I’m not qualified enough. Even tho I have the life experience I don’t have book/school experience or the hands on, paid work experience.

Instead of saying “shoulda done this or that” I’ve finally come to accept that this is how my Higher Power wants things in my life. That’s not to say I’m happy that things aren’t going the way I’ve expected but I’m also not saying that I’m unhappy with my current life either. I know now when those negative voices of “I shoulda…” start chattering in my ear I can take comfort in saying back to them “Bug off! This is who, how and what He wants for me in my life today”.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 “For Everything a Reason”.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.


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