Written March 25, 2017
“There are three sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth. And no one is lying. Memories shared serve each differently.” ~Robert Evans
Picture this if you will…You have a really heated argument with someone. It can be anyone; your sibling, another family member, your friend, or your romantic partner. Each of you take jabs and pokes at each other. Maybe you call each other names or worse. You do something out of spite or anger. Later, you go home and talk to your confidante(who could be your family member, friend or romantic partner) about what happened. Of course that person takes your side because they love you. Maybe you even post what happened on social media. But did you tell that person the whole truth?
Many times when we are in a fight or heated discussion with another person, one person remembers the events or heard things said differently than the other person. Then there are people who just plain distort the fight altogether. As the quote says”…”And no one is lying. Memories shared serve each differently.” When this happens judgements are formed about the other person and then it turns into a big mess. Social media doesn’t help matters either. It’s an easy way to act impulsively without having all the facts. But there’s one thing that we all, including myself, don’t bother doing. We we don’t find out the facts until later, sometimes much later.
I have been on both sides of the fence when it comes to the truth and forming judgements. One time two people in my life came to me telling me about all these bad things about another person in our circle. One of the friends was fighting with the other and I was told about how mean and nasty this person was to one of my friends. I had a very hard time believing this because I’d previously seen the person be nothing but kind and nice to other people.
A few months down the road I had coffee with this “bad” person. We’d discussed everything that I was told. This person filled in the blanks where I had questions and I soon realized there were quite a few things that I was told that were wrong. I wasn’t told the whole truth. This is when i realized there is always more than 1 side to a story. Was this “bad” person at fault in any of this? Yes, but this person wasn’t nearly as bad as I was told.
Another time I was trying to assert my boundaries amongst a group of friends since I’m usually a pushover and a people pleaser. I ended up in a fight with one of them. Gossip and false facts were exchanged about me thru the group and I was made to look like the bad guy. The truth was that I was having problems in my life that no one knew about nor did they care to find out. Negative stuff was posted on social media and negative comments were left – all by people who didn’t know me, my thoughts and feelings, or what I was going thru. One would think that someone would reach out and ask me about what really happened before passing judgement but this never happened.
Often times we judge each other by what we hear others say about a particular person. What we hear may not always be true. We forget that the someone we are judging has thoughts, feelings and goes thru stuff that no one is aware of. We lack the empathy that we should have for others in our lives.
I admit, I am far from being a perfect person but I try my best to listen to both sides before I cast judgement. What I often find is that both parties are at fault at some point. A lot of times the truth that’s in the middle comes from both parties involved.
Thought for the day…Before you cast judgement on another person, get the facts and have some empathy. Without being to cliché, “Walk a mile in someone’s shoes.”