Hope

Written January 18, 2017

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.” ~Anne Lamott.

Some time ago while I was working on rebuilding myself, I was given a list of vocabulary words related to rebuilding myself. I knew the meanings of these words well, so I thought. It wasn’t until I looked these words up in more detail that I began to understand them more. Hope happened to be one of those words.

Hope is something that you want to happen, or the feeling that good things will come. Hope can also be a verb that means “strive for or wish”. To hope is to want something to happen. It is emotional. In fact, some scholars believe it’s linked in meaning to hop, in that someone who hopes “leaps in expectation.” Matter of fact, most of the definitions I’ve seen have the word “expectation” in it. Expectation – belief about (or mental picture of) the future. It is the feeling that something is about to happen. It’s also anticipating with confidence of fulfillment. So in essence hope can be a double edged sword.

Many years ago I’d lost hope because so many bad things had happened in my life. And then I hit what one might call rock bottom in the hope department. My world felt dark and that it was closing in on me. I wasn’t suicidal but I did pray before bed that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. Every morning I woke I was mad at my Higher Power. I thought He’d abandoned me too.

While I was this dark place, the hand of a friend I’d met on social media reached out for me. He loved me until I could love myself. The words he had posted taught me. He made me think about myself and the world around me. Sure I had other friends who could help me but their words didn’t impact me like this friend. One day I’d looked for his words of experience  strength and hope but I found none. A few days went by and he still hadn’t posted. When I went to his personal page I found he’d passed away. I was devastated and my heart broke.

After some phone calls, email and social media exchanges and I’m sure a few tears on both ends, I was graciously given a copy of his writings so that I could repost them – on one condition. I had to write my own thoughts and inspiration with his words until I felt comfortable doing my own freestyle writing. Since that day, this shy little girl turned into a more confident, but not cocky, woman who feels more comfortable in her own skin. This endeavor has helped me get thru many dark hours when I didn’t think I could do it.

What’s ironic is that I always hated writing in school nor was I even really that good. I am still amazed today that stuff I’ve written has been read all over the world thanks to social media. And to think, this never would’ve been possible had I stayed in my dark place and not taken the risk to honor my friend the way that I do.

Today my hope is that maybe someday this entry will be put with my other entries that I’ve written in a book of daily inspiration. Or that other things I write will be published. This much is for certain, whatever happens, I will never forget the man and his family for starting me on this journey. Nor will I forget each person who has “liked”, shared and commented on my posts. They fueled the flames of hope and gave me the confidence to continue.

Thought for the day: Miracles do happen every day. They may not come with angelic singing and trumpets playing but they do happen. Don’t leave before that miracle happens.

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