“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.” ~Anne Lamott.

Some time ago while I was working on rebuilding myself, I was given a list of vocabulary words related to rebuilding myself. I knew the meanings of these words, well, so I thought. It wasn’t until I looked these words up in more detail that I began to understand them more. Hope happened to be one of those words.

Hope is something that you want to happen, or the feeling that good things will come. To hope is to want something to happen. It is emotional. Matter of fact, most of the definitions I’ve seen have the word “expectation” in it which is a belief about (or mental picture of) the future. In essence hope is a double edged sword.

There was a time when I’d lost hope because so many bad things had happened in my life. You could say I hit rock bottom in the hope department. My world felt dark and was closing in on me. I wasn’t suicidal but I did pray before bed that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. Every morning that I woke up I was mad at my Higher Power. I thought He’d abandoned me too.

While I was this dark place, the hand of a friend I’d met on social media reached out for me. He loved me until I could love myself. He made me think about myself and the world around me. Sure I had other friends who could help me but their words didn’t impact me like his did.

One day I’d looked for his words of experience  strength and hope but found none. A few days went by and he still hadn’t posted. When I went to his personal page I discovered that he’d passed away. I was devastated and heartbroken.

After some phone calls, email, social media exchanges and a few tears on both ends, I was graciously given a copy of his writings so that I could repost them – on one condition. I had to write my own thoughts with his words until I felt comfortable doing my own writing. Since that day, this shy little girl turned into a confident, but not cocky, woman who feels more comfortable in her own skin. This endeavor has helped me get thru many dark hours when I didn’t think I could.

What’s ironic is that I always hated writing in school nor was I even really that good. I am still amazed today that stuff I’ve written has been read all over the world thanks to social media. And to think, this never would’ve been possible had I stayed in my dark place or taken the risk to honor my friend the way that I do.

Today my hope is that maybe someday this entry will be put with my other entries that I’ve written in a book of daily inspiration. Or that other things I write will be published. This much is for certain, whatever happens, I will never forget the man and his family for starting me on this journey. Nor will I forget each person who has “liked”, shared and commented on my posts. They fueled the flames of hope and gave me the confidence to continue.

Thought for the day: Miracles do happen every day. They may not come with angelic singing and trumpets playing but they do happen. Don’t leave before that miracle happens.

***Please be sure to read more of my posts


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About Bella’s Thoughts. This is a project that I began in my mind a number of years ago when I began reading some daily meditations. I had my own thoughts on many occasions and attempted to journal many times without success. It began to take shape when I took on another project for a Spiritual Advisor and dear friend who past away. To learn more about me read my very first blog post. For more daily reflections go to... https://www.facebook.com/Stephanies-Sweetgrass-and-Dancin-1414954615472943/

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