“The Obituary of Old Glory”
A spin off of The Obituary of Common Sense by Lori Borgman
Today we mourn the death of an old, tattered, familiar friend, the American Flag, nicknamed Old Glory. She had been with us for many years. She was reportedly born in 1776 by a seamstress named Betsy Ross, but no one knows for sure, since her birth records were lost long ago in bureaucratic red tape.
Old Glory will be remembered as:
– A beacon of freedom, liberty, and human rights,
– A symbol for her military men and women rally behind here and abroad;
– Unity and commonality with our fellow citizen;
– Love of country, home and all who believe in it;
– Pride in our service men and women who fight and die defending our way of life;
– Pride for the life she gave others
Old Glory lived a simple yet humble life, waving in the breeze after a victorious battle and in remembrance of the fallen soldier who fought bravely in her name. She stood for freedom and asked only for respect.
Her health began to deteriorate when well-intentioned but overbearing political correctness policies were made. Reports of words and phrases like “Merry Christmas”, “Bless you”, “you guys”, and “in a family way” we’re deemed insensitive to a small group of people. When she saw people stomping on and burning her in protest, it broke her heart.
Old Glory lost ground rapidly when retail stores had “gender neutral” clothing and toys, and being named valedictorian or salutatorian “wasn’t inclusive”, and a person who worked hard and became successful was considered to have “white privilege”.
Old Glory took a beating when criminals received better treatment than their victims and again when a sports writer condemned police officers who sang the National Anthem before sporting events calling it “staged patriotism”… “an authoritarian shift at the ballpark”…that these performances are “examples of systemic racism in America.”
Old Glory lost the will to live and finally gave up the fight when:
- When the Declaration of Independence was deemed sexist and racist.
- Five California students were sent home for wearing American flags on their t-shirts on the Cinco de Mayo holiday, along with other schools that banned the American flag because they are concerned some may see the flag as an offensive symbol.
- Statues and monuments of the Founding Fathers and other builders of our great nation were torn down, vandalized or renamed because they owned slaves which was commonplace in that time – nevermind the fact they treated their slaves well.
- NFL players and other athletes took a knee, sat or locked arms in protest during the national anthem.
The Star-Spangled Banner was not played in light of the tense political atmosphere.
Old Glory was preceded in death by her parents, Speech and Religious Freedom; by her husband, Political Correctness; by her daughter, Respect; and by her son, Responsibility.
She is survived by her 5 siblings: Racist, Misogynist, Feminist, Homophobe and Bigot.
A private memorial service was held so as not to offend anyone.
***Please read more of my posts.