“Feelings are not fact(ual)” ~ Anonymous
Many of us have heard this quote but what does it really mean? As I like to do with a lot of reflections, let’s look at a couple of definitions. Facts or factual (things) are defined things that are true or concerned with actual details or information rather than ideas or feelings about it. Feelings can be best defined as an emotional state or reaction to something. We know that our emotional state changes from day to day and even minute by minute.
The reason why feelings are not fact is simple. Our feelings about something can change at any time. I have learned that although feelings feel real, most bad feelings are based on fear, and fear is based on our old ideas. These old ideas that cause fear are based on things we learned and/or believed for years or experiences carried them from previous experiences. That fear can also be fear of the future.
For example, I get really angry when people tailgate me. This is because I was rear-ended really bad 20yrs years ago. I know this still frightens me because I, still to this day, frequently look in my rearview and side mirrors. I also ask myself questions like, “If I get into another relationship, will that end like all the others?” or “If I eat split pea soup again, will it make me vomit like it did when I was a child?” or “If I take this job, how will it affect me financially in the long run?” or “If I choose to do or not do this, how will it affect that?” I fear how life will be 5,10, or even 20 years from now. These are the times when I need to keep my mind in the moment. Like the tattoo on my wrist says, “Just for Today”.
For some time, I felt that I was a lousy human being, even a monster at times, because of various things I’d done in my life. I’ve always had a problem with self acceptance. I’ve had a difficult time accepting the way I looked on the inside and especially my outside. Not in a vain way tho. More like, “Does this outfit look ok? No, no, you’re lying just to make me feel better”. Sometimes I’m even self conscious about the crazy, sometimes irrational thoughts that go thru my head. Thoughts like, “All this time that I thought and felt like you didn’t like me, I was wrong, dead wrong.” These feelings I felt were based on my childhood fears that I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, or just plain…enough.
Thought for the day: I still have those days when I don’t accept myself, and it’s something I’ll probably continue to work on for the rest of my life. I know I’m not the right kind of person for everyone, but for those who know and love me and know my heart I’m more than enough for them. These are the ones who stick by me no matter what. These are the people I want in my life and I cherish them all.
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