Has this ever happened to you? You are in a relationship with someone and for whatever reason it doesn’t work out. You part ways with this person and don’t see or hear from them for quite some time. Years pass and the winds of change blow. Then one day, circumstances pave the way for the 2 of you to reconnect. You try to pick up where you left off but it doesn’t work. One of you is left with a broken heart.
I know that I can identify with this. I’ve had this happen at least a couple times in my life. I can also see that I’ve changed a lot in my lifetime. I’m not the same person that I was at 15, 25, 35, and even at 45 years old. My views on life, my morals, values and principles have changed, along with what and who is important in my life. My physical body has changed considerably too.
In recent history this has happened to me twice. With one person, we had been friends for a number of years and had seen each other as just that – friends. We stumbled upon a time when we saw each other in a different light. Then, just as quick as it happened, it was over.
Next came someone I was friends with and had a brief relationship a number of years ago came back into my life. Recently we toyed with the idea of rekindling the old flames. For whatever reason, that relationship didn’t work out either.
And one other relationship I had with someone for most of my life may look pretty on the outside but is very, very ugly on the inside. No matter how many times or things I tried to make things right with this person, it was never enough. For my own peace of mind I had to end whatever was left of that relationship.
I’ve come to understand that as humans grow, we learn more and more from and about each other as we go thru the stages of life. Other people and circumstances continuously mold and shape us over time. So that best friend you had in school but hadn’t seen in a number of years has changed on some level. That old friend may even be a person you don’t even recognize now. Today, perhaps that person wouldn’t be your best friend but they may be just a friend. Maybe you wouldn’t be able to stand that person today.
The same thing is true of our romantic relationships. Only now, besides our behaviors and attitudes changing, quite often our bodies change too. This is especially true as the years go by. That muscular boy with the 6 pack abs you knew in high school or college might have sagging muscles, a bit of a belly and a receding hairline 10 or 20 years later. Maybe that pretty girl with the perfect body, hair and beautiful face might be a few pounds heavier with grey hair and wrinkles. Or maybe that healthy boy or girl you knew now has some sort of a condition, illness, or disease that may or may not be curable.
If we really and truly want to reconnect with that person we haven’t seen in a long time, we need to look at how that person is today. We need to ask ourselves if we can embrace this person for who they are and how they look today. While that may sound superficial, it’s not. Especially if you combine those outer looks with the inner looks. It actually all boils down to love. Can we love this person for who they are today, grey hair, wrinkles, a few extra pounds, warts and all? Is this person compassionate, loyal and loving? If the answer is yes then you have a foundation to rebuild that friendship or relationship.
A day like today brings all those memories back. Memories of my childhood with my friends and my family and all the fun things we did together. Memories of my young adult days and all the hell my current best friend and I caused along with our excursions. Memories of my marriage and the good times we had. And of course all the people who’ve come and gone in my life and the events or excursions I’ve enjoyed.
Thought for the day: Something I stumbled on that I wrote last year in regard to change and memories which is very true…
Tho the good memories come rushing back with a song, a picture, an unpacked item, etc. They are quickly replaced with newer memories. Memories that either replace the good with a whole lotta heartbreak or vice versa. Yea, whatever happens is for the best. Yea, the bad is gonna get better. And yea, there are going to be times when I feel anger, rage, and hurt. I, however, come from a line of VERY strong women, I WILL PREVAIL over this!!
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