Wisdom

March 14

“I believe that we are here for each other, not against each other. Everything comes from an understanding that you are a gift in my life – whoever you are, whatever our differences.” ~ John Denver

Through the years, I have come to believe that there are no coincidences in life. I believe that people come into and leave my life for a reason. Each of them has been a gift and each of them has taught me valuable lessons. They have taught me things like acceptance, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, respect, and perseverance. Even the ones I have loved and been hurt by have taught me about the realities of life. I may not have liked that some people hurt me, however, I am grateful to each of them for the lessons they taught me and the gifts they shared with me. I believe the same is true when it comes to situations that happen or do not happen.

So to all of you who are or were in my life, the ones I love, like, dislike, detest, along with the doubters and the naysayers, as well as the ones who are still alive and those who have passed on from this life, I say thank you. I thank you for the lessons you taught me and the gifts you shared with me.

I also believe we must learn all that we can from the people in our lives and the situations that happen while we can. We never know when those lessons will come in handy to help yourself or someone you know.

Thought for the day: Cherish the time you have with your family, friends, and others who come into or leave your life. Whether you love or hate them, you can learn valuable lessons from them.

Self-Acceptance

March 13

“Do you realize how amazing you are? You are special. You are unique. You are amazing. Remember that!” ~ Izey Victoria Odiase,

These are words that you do not hear nearly enough. Yes, I am talking to you, the person reading this wherever you are. You are amazing, special, and unique in your way. You have gifts and talents that you share with the world even though you may not realize it. You also matter to someone and you do make a difference in someone’s life. No matter who you are, what you do in life, what you believe in, or what you look like, you make a difference in someone’s life in some way, shape, or form. 

Do you doubt me?

Think of it this way, pick a color you like; purple, blue, green, yellow, orange, or red. All of these are colors in a rainbow. Without getting too scientific, each color displays light in different ways. When all of those unique colors come together, a beautiful rainbow is created. And, just as each color is amazing, special, and unique, so are you. When your talents and ideas come together with others who have their talents and ideas, there is no limit to what can be created.

Do you still doubt me? 

Throughout history, there have been countless people who thought they were not amazing, special, and unique enough to make a difference in someone’s life. Those people went on to create so many things and change many lives – way too many to list. Look around and you will see.

Thought for the day: You too possess various ways to change the world and make it better. You only need to tap into what makes you amazing, special, and unique.

Friendship

March 12

“Do not worry about who’s not in your life right now. The ones who are meant to be in your life will be there for you through thick, thin, good, bad, ugly, and ugly. They’re the ones who count most.” ~ Anonymous 

As the years go by, I find myself reflecting on people who are not in my life for whatever reason. Sometimes when I think about the ones who are not in my life, I think about the reasons why they are not, and a tear forms in my eye and trickles down my cheek. Then comes the feelings of regret for the things I shoulda, woulda, coulda done go through my mind.

Since I started writing these daily reflections, I have learned that all things in life move in circles. There is a beginning, a middle, and an end. I also learned that when anything in life ends, it begins again but often in another form. That rebirth might be a new person in my life, a new opportunity, or whatever. I admit, there are times that I do not like it, but knowing this makes it easier to accept.

There is something else I often forget. I forget that I still have people in my life who have been with me through everything. One person in particular who is not blood-related has been in my life for over 30 years. We have been there for each other through just about everything; problems with finance, romance, death, a house fire, and everything in between. She has seen me at my best, my worst, and my ugliest and has stayed by my side. For that I am grateful.

Thought for the day: When something in life ends or a person leaves your life, take comfort in knowing that something new and better is just around the corner.

Gratitude

March 11

“When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.” ~ Alexander Graham Bell

Gratitude is giving thanks for something good that happens or because someone did something nice for us. There are so many things to be grateful for; getting a job, getting a raise or promotion, passing a test, your wedding day, and many, MANY more. What about when life is not so good? Believe it or not, we can be grateful when life is not good. We might even be able to learn something from those times. 

I can hear you now, “What?!?! Are you crazy, lady?!?” Maybe I am a little, but hear me out.

How many times did you lose a job or did not get the one you wanted only to get a better one later? What about that romantic partner you lost only to find the love of your life down the road? We can also be grateful for the death of a loved one if that person suffered a long, painful illness. We may be sad because that person has left our life, but we can be grateful that their suffering has ended.

With all things in life, or death, we can be grateful. Not necessarily because we are happy, but because that bad event has the potential to bring something new and exciting into our lives. It can be a lesson or a new opportunity. Remember the old saying, “When one door closes, another opens.”

Thought for the day: We can be grateful in good times and bad, not because we are happy when bad things happen, but because we can learn from these times.

Mindfulness

March 10

“When you’re here and now, sitting, not jumping ahead, the miracle has happened. To be in the moment is the miracle” ~ Osho 

These days we do not seem to be focused on the here and now. Our calendars are full from morning until night with plans for the next day, week, or month. On top of that, we are absorbed in our phones. We are constantly distracted with phone calls, messaging, emails, and social media news feeds and videos. These things take our attention away from what and who is right in front of us. 

For example, I have loved spending time in nature since I was a kid. I spent every chance I had hiking or fishing. When I got my first iPhone, I fell in love with my new toy. As time went by, I became more involved with my phone and less involved with other things like family, friends, and nature, until I was forced to give up my phone.

One year I took a road trip to Wisconsin. On the drive out there, my nose was in my phone replying to messages from friends and playing on social media. When I lost my signal, it was only for a couple of minutes. My family teased me and told me to put the phone away so I could enjoy the scenery. I did not listen. The closer we got to our destination, the further we were from civilization and the longer I had no signal. When I finally took my nose out of my phone, I saw the beautiful landscape. I took my phone out of my pocket, but it was to take pictures of the beautiful scenery that surrounded me.

Thought for the day: Put down the phone and go enjoy the sights and sounds of nature.

Self-Reflection

March 9

“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent” ~Victor Hugo

Many songs describe our life. “This is the Life” by the band Dream Theater is one such song. It sets the scene at the time of night between 2:00 am and 4:00 am when all is quiet. The only thing you can hear is your thoughts. 

The song opens with, “In the heart of your most solemn barren night; When your soul’s turned inside out, Have you questioned all the madness you invite? What your life is all about.” This verse asks when you are up in the middle of the night pacing the floor, do you question your life? Are you the cause of the chaos in your life? It continues with, “Some of us choose to live gracefully, Some can get caught in the maze and lose their way home.” This reminds you that you have the free will to live the way you choose. You can choose to live a life of happiness or a life of regret.  

In the middle of the song, the lyrics ask, “Have you ever wished that you were someone else? Traded places in your mind? It’s only a waste of your time.” You may think another person’s life is perfect or better than yours, but in reality, they are either dealing with their demons, can cope with life better, or do not show their pain. In other words, the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Overall this song reminds you that you cannot blame others for what happens in your life because the choices you make are your own. 

Thought for the day: In the end, “Memories will fade, Time races on, What will they say, After you’re gone?”

Self-Examination

March 8

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

For much of my life, I did whatever I could so people would like me. Over the years, I became depressed. In pleasing others, I forgot who the real me was. One day, I told a friend how I felt. She asked me, “Who are you? Not your name, your title, or your job. Who are YOU?” I had no answer. She then asked me, “What are you passionate about? What do you want out of life?” Again I did not know.

To answer those questions, I needed to decide who and what I did or did not want in my life. Another thing I asked myself was if I wanted a life full of drama, chaos, and hate. If so, I knew that finding any kind of happiness would be difficult. If I did find happiness, it would not last long. My anger and hate would overpower the happiness and I would be miserable again. I also needed to set and enforce my boundaries with others in my life. This was especially difficult. As I did these things, I discovered new things for which I was passionate and, for once in my adult life, I began to enjoy life again. 

If you are unsatisfied with your life, try doing the things I did. Look inside yourself and answer these questions honestly. Then change your mindset and anything else you need to change in your life that will pave the way to achieving the life you want. In time, you will find your true, authentic self and the happiness you seek.

Thought for the day: If you are unsatisfied with your life, try learning about yourself, your dreams, your desires, and your passions.

Tolerance

March 7

“Don’t be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn’t do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn’t know what you know today.” ~ Malcolm X

Vocabulary(.)com defines tolerance as “the willingness and ability to recognize, respect and accept another person’s beliefs, opinions, and practices. Being tolerant of others involves; 1) self-acceptance – an acceptance of yourself as you are, warts and all. 2) The ability to accept another’s ideas and beliefs. If you respect someone’s opinions – even if you disagree or find them nonsensical – you display tolerance.” Being tolerant is also a Spiritual Principles that involves others like acceptance, respect, and unconditional love to name a few.

For example, say you do not like the way I talk or you do not like the clothing I wear. That is fine, we do not have to agree on everything. What we need to do is be tolerant of each other’s quirks and not condemn each other. Tolerance, however, does not mean you become a doormat for other people to walk all over you and force their beliefs onto you. You continue to hold onto and keep your feelings and beliefs about something, but you do not impose them on me nor do you tell me that my feelings and beliefs are wrong.

Practicing tolerance is also the ability to walk in my shoes and think about how you would feel if you were in them. It is similar to empathy, the sharing or understanding of feelings. If more people practiced tolerance, and were respectful and accepting of others’ beliefs, opinions, etc, it would make the world a more peaceful place to live.

Thought for the day: What are some ways in which you could tolerate another person?  

Humor

March 6

“A smile starts on the lips, a grin spreads to the eyes, a chuckle comes from the belly; but a good laugh bursts forth from the soul, overflows, and bubbles all around.” ~ Carolyn Birmingham

Being serious all the time can have an effect on our health just like stress. If we suddenly stop laughing and having fun we can have problems in our relationships, with depression, or maybe problems with drug/alcohol addiction. It also can lower our immunity leaving us vulnerable to illness and perhaps cancer as well as heart problems including heart attacks or strokes. 

On the other hand, the short list of benefits from laughter is that it decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, which improves our disease resistance. It triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain. 

There is no one around with whom you can laugh? No problem! We live in an age of electronics which means that we can order old reruns to watch on TV. We can find old shows like The Honeymooners, the Three Stooges, and even Lucille Ball. There are all kinds of comedy shows and movies out there like dry humor, stupidity comedy, and comedy with foul language. Just look for a funny show or movie on TV, grab some snacks and Kleenex for those laughs that make you laugh so hard that you cry, pull up a chair and just laugh. Before you know it your stress and bad mood will melt away. 

Thought for the day: Question. How do you catch a unique rabbit? You ‘sneak up on it!  Oh, I see I made you chuckle just a little bit.

Fellowship

March 5

“People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they have not communicated with each other.” ~ Dr Martin Luther King Jr 

How do you get to know someone? Sending emails or text messages? Listening to someone with second-hand information who probably does not know that person well? You could begin to get to know someone that way, but you will not know them on a deeper, more intimate level. 

The above quote was said long before all of this electronic communication stuff we have now, but today his words could not be any more on point. 

In the 1960s when Dr King said this, there were three ways to communicate; face to face, writing a letter with pen and paper, or talking on a telephone which were a luxury then. Today almost everyone has a cell phone that holds almost our entire life in its circuitry, and they can send electronic messages. This type of communication is not only cold but the messages can be misconstrued and misunderstood. 

The best way to communicate with someone is, and always will be face to face. When we communicate this way, we can hear the tone of each other’s voice and see each other’s expressions. We can also ask questions or respond accordingly, appropriately, and faster than we can type our message. Perhaps if we had more face-to-face communication with each other we could move past all the anger and hatred that has swept through the world in recent years.

Thought for the day: Why not consider sitting down with family or friends over coffee or a meal, but without your phone?

Responsibility

March 4

“Leave this world… a better place than how you found it.” ~ Sarah J. Maas

Growing up I occasionally used my dad’s tools. He was fine with it as long as I put them back where I found them. One time I cut up a large tree branch that fell during a storm. I left one of his saws outside overnight because I was too tired to put it away. It rained that night. The next morning he found the saw in the yard with rust on it and was angry. He told me I was not allowed to use his tools for a while to teach me a lesson. My dad passed away over 15 years ago and I still find myself putting my tools back where I found them. 

Thinking about the bigger picture, our ancestors have given us this land to live on. Everywhere I go in nature today, I see more and more garbage strewn about. Whether it is leftovers from a campsite, picnic, or lunch in a car, our garbage always ends up somewhere in nature. It poisons the land and water. Animals choke on food wrappers, get their heads stuck in plastic bottle holders or the plastic bags get stuck in trees which chokes the branches. It takes a very long time for our garbage to break down and disintegrate – if it ever does. Our ancestors did not give us the planet this way. Why then do we leave it filthy, dirty, and poisoned for future generations?

Thought for the day: The saw I left out overnight in the rain? Dad restored it to its original condition. I found it one day in the garage after he passed away and remembered the lesson like it was yesterday.

Commitment

March 3

“I think in most relationships that have problems, there’s fault on both sides. And for it to work, there has to be some common ground that’s shared. And it’s not just one person making amends.” ~ Steve Carell

In any relationship, there will be times of turmoil. Something triggers an argument and one person hurts the other in some way. To hurt them back, that person lashes out. Unless something is done, each person continues to hurt the other until the relationship ends. If we do not want the relationship to continue, we do nothing. If we are committed to that person and we want to repair the relationship, there are four things we need to do – accountability, apologize, forgive, and make amends.

As the quote above says, when there are problems in a relationship, there is fault on both sides. To repair the relationship, we start by taking accountability for whatever we did or said to hurt that person. When we recognize the part we played, we can begin to repair the relationship. Next, we apologize for what we did or said. We cannot simply say we are sorry, anyone can say that. 

Finally, we ask for forgiveness and make amends, or we find a way to make it right with the person we hurt. The best way to do this is to change our behavior. Making amends means nothing unless it is backed up with changing our behavior. We could say something like, “I apologize for what I did. I was wrong. How can I make it right?” Nothing more, nothing less. We do not justify or rationalize our behavior. 

Thought for the day: No matter what we do, we will inevitably hurt someone we love. Admit your mistakes, apologize, ask for forgiveness, and make amends.

Growth

March 2

“The true hero conquers his anger and hatred” ~ Dalai Lama 

As young children, we are born knowing nothing of hate. As we grow we generally know only love and magic. I am referring to the magic of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and, ahem, in my day, the Great Pumpkin. Children are taught hatred. As a child, I hated lima beans and brussels sprouts. Even after my mom told me to try them, I still hated the taste of them, but I digress.

So if we knew nothing of hate, how did we learn it? The adults who raised us taught us to hate other people for a multitude of reasons or by mistake. 

What is hate? It is an intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or a sense of injury. So basically we hate each other because we fear each other.  Why do we fear each other? Because we do not know each other. How do we overcome these feelings? We talk to and learn about each other before we decide to hate them or pass judgment on them. The Golden Rule says, “Treat others the way you would want to be treated.”

Imagine what our lives and the world would be like if there was no hate. What would it be like if we got to know and understand each other better? There are so many reasons why we want to have hatred in our hearts but there are many more reasons why we should not have hatred in our hearts. 

Thought for the day: When I had lima beans and brussel sprouts prepared differently I decided to give them another try. Turns out I like lima beans and brussel sprouts. 

Self-Control

March 1

“Everybody has that point in their life where … you’ve had a bunch of bad days. There are different ways you can deal with it. The way I dealt with it was turning completely to music.”  ~ Taylor Swift

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like the whole world is out to get you and everything you touch falls apart? Maybe someone made you mad and instead of blowing up, you got in the car or put your headphones on and listened to some music with either a really strong beat or calming, gentle sounds. Later, you feel calmer and ready to get back to what you were doing. They say that music soothes the savage beast. It means that music helps to calm agitated emotions. 

When I was young and I got angry I threw, punched, or kicked something and usually broke it. I finally stopped doing these things right before I threw my hairbrush through my bedroom window in a fit of rage. I discovered that listening to music and cleaning my bedroom helped to work out my feelings of anger. This calmed down the beast in me and helped me to get back to my normal self. 

As the years have gone by, when I get angry, I modify the way I deal with my anger. I turn on some music, turn the volume up, and go for a drive, clean the house, work in the garden, or work on some project. I have even been known to listen to music while I grocery shop. It blocks out the excess noise and helps me focus.

Thought for the day: As you step out into the world today, turn on some music and start your day right.

Open-Mindedness

February 29

“In seeking the truth you have to get both sides of a story.” ~ Walter Cronkite 

For thousands of years, humans have spread information by word of mouth and handwritten accounts from people who witnessed an event. Not all of the information we heard or read was true. The person who told or wrote the information may have had inaccurate information or they embellished the story. Later, with the invention of the printing press, radio, and TV, our sources of knowledge expanded. A few years later, the internet, social media, and 24-hour news networks exploded on the scene. Today, we are inundated with information 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year – including nights, weekends, and holidays. Unfortunately, not all the information we get is true. 

With all this information coming at us, how can we tell the truth from fiction? How do we know what is biased or unbiased information? How can we distinguish real news from fake news? Who should we listen to?

I cannot tell you who to listen to, watch, or read for the truth. What I can suggest is if you get your information from one source, check out other sources. For example, if you read newspaper A, read newspaper B. If you watch the news on this channel, watch it on that channel. However, when you do this, be sure to have an open mind. You will probably read or hear things with which you disagree. On the other hand, you might read or hear something that makes sense.

Thought for the day: Do not allow others to tell you that their information is right. Do the research for yourself. Difficult as it may be, seek out knowledge that is truthful and accurate in the ever-changing world we live in. 

Confidence

 February 28

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” ~ Dalai Lama

Whenever I hiked or camped in the woods as a child, I always attracted mosquitoes. As soon as I heard the familiar high-pitched buzzing, I went crazy trying to shoo it away or kill the menacing creature before it bit me. It was worse at night when I slept in a tent because I could not see the little bugger to kill it. Instead I tucked my head into my sleeping bag as tight as I could so it would not get me. That annoying bug made a difference between enjoying and ruining my nature experience.

Each and every one of us has the potential to make a difference in the world. Think of all the inventions, foundations and research facilities that have been created to help people in some way, not to mention all the organizations that rescue abused or neglected people and animals. Almost everything you can think of began with one person who had an idea to change the world. 

There was a time I doubted that I could make a difference. For many years I helped people in some way not thinking I was making a difference in their lives. One day, a woman I had helped came up to me and thanked me for helping her. She said that what I did helped her change her life around. Since that day, every so often I have someone thank me for something I did or said that helped them make changes in their life for the better. 

Thought for the day: No, not everyone can change the world, but everyone can change their neighborhoods or communities. We can also change one person’s world who can then change another person’s world and so on. 

Surrender

 February 27

“Silence is sometimes the best answer “ ~ Dalai Lama

Have you ever been in an argument with someone and, no matter what you said, that person is always right and you are always wrong? They also insist that whatever the problem is, it is your fault. There is one very easy, yet very difficult thing to do to end the argument. Say nothing. That is right, say nothing and walk away. This was a lesson that I learned a few years ago and it works.

I was having problems with someone in my life who seemed to fight with me every time we spoke to each other. We went back and forth hurling barbs at each other. When I told my friends about it, they told me to say nothing. I thought they were crazy … until I actually tried it. What happened next was nothing short of a miracle. The fighting stopped and I felt better. Sure I was still angry, but after some time, I felt better because I did not allow the other person to get under my skin.

Think of an argument as a fire and the words exchanged between two people as gasoline. What happens when you put gasoline on a fire? It gets bigger and continues burning. Now, what happens when you stop putting gasoline on the fire. It goes out. When you stop arguing and walk away, you are not saying the other person is right. You are simply saying that you are not in control of another person. You are, however, in control of your actions and reactions.

Thought for the day: Stop putting fuel on the fire. Your silence will speak volumes.

Courage

February 26

“Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson 

If someone wrongs you in some way, which feels better to do? Getting revenge on the person or turning the other cheek and walking away? Generally, most people say getting revenge feels better. Why? Because we want the person who hurt us to feel the same pain they caused us. Unfortunately, this only creates more violence and a vicious circle of people getting back at each other. How can we possibly achieve peace if we are getting revenge on everyone who hurts us? The short answer is that we cannot. We instead need to become peacemakers.

By becoming a peacemaker and practicing Spiritual Principles, we learn forgiveness, respect, patience, compassion and acceptance among others. Most importantly, we learn that being a peacemaker takes courage. 

It takes a lot of courage to walk away from a fight. It takes courage to tell someone who is tearing us down to have a nice day. It takes even more courage to stay silent and not react to someone who is yelling obscenities at us or punching us in the face. Will we be ridiculed, picked on and bullied? Of course we will. It is not easy to stand up to someone who is hurting us and say, “Enough. You cannot hurt me because I will not allow it. I choose to take the high road.”

When we do not feed into a fight with our negative reaction, it goes nowhere. Yes, doing this is easier said than done, but this is what we all need to do to bring about peace.

Thought for the day: Today, I will become a peacemaker and take the higher road.

Altruism

February 25

“If you’re helping someone and expecting something in return, you’re doing business not kindness.” ~ Unknown 

Have you ever had someone tell you that they will help or do something for you, but you have to do something for them in return? Perhaps you have said it yourself. When we help someone with the expectation of something in return, we are acting in a selfish manner. The opposite of this altruism. This is the unselfish care and/or concern for others, sometimes at the expense of oneself. 

A very close friend, Laurie, fell on hard times. She struggled to put food on the table for her family. At the same time, one of her family members, Mike, had won a multi million dollar lawsuit. Mike could have easily helped Laurie with her situation. Instead he declined her request for help, or if he gave her any money, he told her it was a loan and she had to pay back – with interest. How could Mike be so cruel and heartless? 

The good news is that Laurie’s best friend, Sarah, was able to help. Sarah was not wealthy. She worked a full-time job and struggled to pay her bills. Sarah could not bear the thought of Laurie and her family being without food, so she worked extra hours so she could help her friend. This put a strain on her mental health, but Sarah never complained and she never asked Laurie for a penny in return. She was just happy to be able to help her best friend like she was helped over the years.

Thought for the day: It is a sad day when the people who have so much do so little, but it is a good day when the people who have so little do so much.

Unconditional Love

February 24

“I note the obvious differences between each sort and type, but we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike.” ~ Maya Angelou 

How are we more alike than we are alike? I find the answer lying next to me on the couch. On one side of me is a brown tabby and on the other is a calico cat. The calico is 14 years old. She is pretty mellow, very cuddly and she has extra toes on all four toes. The tabby is four years old. She was born feral so she is rambunctious, and skittish. Think of them as humans each with different skin colors. 

Despite the color of their fur, their age difference, and their personalities, they do not see or care about their differences. Of course, they fight once in a while, but they still play and snuggle together. The calico does not call the brown tabby a savage because she was born feral, nor does the brown tabby pick on the calico for having extra toes on all four paws.

This is one of countless examples of how animals can get along with each other.

So if animals can see past their differences, why can humans not? Why must people of one race, creed, religion, socio-economic class, or some other group of people fight with another? Why can we not respect, accept, tolerate, have unconditional love for each other and help each other get through life? Why can we not learn a lesson or two from animals? I wish I knew the answer, but, then again my head would hurt knowing that most of the reasons are simply dumb excuses. 

Thought for the day: Perhaps if we behaved more like animals then maybe, just maybe, we could get along with each other.